Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
