The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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