ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
