OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
