Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize