Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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