Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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