watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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