i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
