I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
