The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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