I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
