I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
