i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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