I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
