Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
