i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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