I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
