Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
