he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
