I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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