the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize