3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think I sprained my soul last night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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