So drunk its hurt
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
