Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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