Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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