Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
