i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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