You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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