1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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