Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
