Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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