you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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