Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
bring money and cleavage
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
