I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
