Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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