Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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