Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
