i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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