So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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