So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
