One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
