Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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