I met the friendliest cop last night
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
