he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
