Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
