Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
