Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
