Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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