so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
