Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
