there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
third nipple confirmed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
