well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
