Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
