it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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