so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
