Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
