the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
