She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
