we're blogging at a bar
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
