It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
