my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize