Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
