then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
