Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize