Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
