you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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