I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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