i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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