that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
