Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
